Sh*t Bootcampers Say on Facebook and Twitter

Sh-tBootcampersSayOnFacebookTwitter

If you’re a Barry’s devotee, chances are you’re pretty vocal about it on all your social media channels. However, your non-Barry’d family and friends are probably sick of you crowing about your latest sprint speed or how heavy you lifted on Facebook and Twitter.

Luckily, the fitness family that Tweets together stays together and oversharing is caring. We just can’t get enough of commiserating/bitching/cheering each other on. What’s not to “Like” about that?

So here are the most common types of Facebook and Twitter posts that you and all your bootcamp buddies love to post. Which type are you?

FULL BODIED WHINE

You can’t believe how much pain you’re in. Everywhere. All the time. And you love every sado-masochistic second of it. Just to document how destroyed you were by your workout, you are especially fond of tweeting and posting selfies of your cronies, collapsed in sweaty heaps on the ground. Examples:

“OMG, Dead and Barry’d!”

“Threw up a little in my mouth today. My burpees turned into barfees.”

“I can’t lift my arms!” “I can’t walk!” “I can’t feel my legs!” “Laughing is excruciating!” “I can’t move anything!”

HUMBLE-BRAG

Desperate to brag about your accomplishment, but uncomfortable with outright boasting, you try to soften it with a totally fake plea for sympathy.

“Up dark and early for my 5 a.m. class! It’s so lonely when no one else is on the streets.” (What you’re really saying: “I am a warrior. Only 34 people are as powerful as I am, and they are all in class with me.”)

“Ooops! Somehow I broke two booty bands? What’s wrong with me?” (What you’re really saying: “I have a butt that could turn a coal into diamonds.”)

“My trainer picked on me the entire class – he made me do everything more times and with more weight than anyone else!” (What you’re really saying: “Suck it, losers.”)

BRAGGING BRAG

You bypass any attempts at humility and just own your bragging – like a boss.

“25 lb dumbbells and purple bands. Killed it!”

“Ran .5 above intermediate speeds the whole class! #beastmode”

“I CRUSHED IT!”

JUST CHECKING-IN

You don’t need to comment. Just checking into Barry’s every single time you work out is enough to tell the world that you are amazeballs.

TAGGER

You tag your best friend who was working out with you… and the girl you see at least once a week and had coffee with after class, and the location manager, and the person working the desk, and the dude you talked to in the lobby that one time, and the maintenance staff. You enjoy this game of tag so much you tag random people who weren’t even there (but you’re convinced are there in spirit). This can be especially awkward for your friend who called in sick, particularly when their boss sees that they were actually #crushingit at Barry’s.

TEACHER’S PET

You never miss a chance to tag your trainer along with a glowing review of the class in the transparent hope that s/he will respond with the coveted, “Great Job” or “You killed it!”

MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER

Forget #100HappyDays, how about #365/24/7RelentlesslyHappyDays? You have an endless supply of inspirational quotes and infographics to post. You’re the Deepak Chopra of your fitness Facebook friends and you’re determined to live to inspire. Besides, feeling real feelings are a sign of weakness.

FOOD PORN

You food pornographers fall into two camps. You’re either posting sad-looking pictures of terribly unappetizing, squeaky clean food with the caption, “Clean eating, 48 days straight!” Or, you’re shamelessly gloating about your cheat meals and torturing everybody by posting pics of decadent deserts and other caloric atrocities because, dammit, you’ve “earned it.”

GUN (& ABS) SHOW

Your sweaty selfies show off the product of your hard ass (and abs) work. (“Pew Pew Pew! Check out ma guns!”) Or the shirtless selfie (“Get out the laundry. Check out my washboard abs!”). Everybody who is scrolling through their Facebook feed and snacking on their gluten-free cookies instantly feels waves of self-loathing and jealousy. Mission accomplished.

HASHTAG WHORE

You haven’t met a hashtag you didn’t like and lie in bed at night coming up with increasingly longer and more ridiculous ones.

“Hardcore Day was off the hook at Barry’s today! #NYC #abs #6pack #BarrysBabe #BarrysBootcamp #summerbod #bikinitime #barryisamaniac #fuelbar #simplyPB&Jrules #lookmanolovehandles #personalrecord #traininsane #hashtag #KILLEDIT #!!!

Pro tip: The most recent studies show that on Twitter, the use of more than two hashtags results in a significant drop in engagement. Not that you’re going to change your hashtag happy ways.

 

 

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Minsun Park

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Minsun Park is a blogger, writer and a black belt in taekwondo who gets her ass handed to her daily by her two sons. She’s written for iVillage, SheKnows, ePregnancy and is featured in “The Hot Mom’s Handbook” by Jessica Denay. She can also be found on Facebook and Twitter: @MinsunPark

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