Recently we wrote a popular article about the kinds of clients you meet at Barry’s Bootcamp. We teased a little, had some fun at your expense and we decided it was high time to turn the tables – on the trainers. Barry’s trainers are a very diverse group. True, they all share the expertise and experience required to make you fitter than you’ve ever been, but their styles vary tremendously. None of them can be pinned down to a single distinct category, but we’ve collected seven of our favorite broad trainer personality types for this article. Do you recognize any of your trainers here?
McDreamies are so distractingly beautiful you’re convinced they can’t possibly be human. It’s hard to tear your eyes away from their chiseled physique and face. In fact, there’s an excellent chance McDreamy is a fitness model when he/she’s not kicking your ass. When McDreamies make eye contact, the bright flash of the megawatt smile (can you hear the DING?) gets your heart racing – which is just one of the many reasons you’re drenched in sweat. And that’s before class even starts. Definitely not for the faint of heart.
Mr. or Ms. McDreamy doesn’t seem to own a shirt that can’t be torn off at a moment’s notice (in slow-motion, it seems). Not that you’re complaining. The most surprising thing about McDreamies is the hellish beating you invariably get from these angelic beings. It’s a whole new kind of muscle confusion.
Mr./Ms. Thang can be moody — after all, s/he hasn’t eaten a refined carb in two years and being hangry is a real thing. When you aren’t taking instructions quickly enough or walking when you should be running, it’s Mommy Dearest time (NO MORE STEPPING OFF!) and you’ll pay with sprints or five minute wall sits, holding a heavy weight above your head. But they’re superstars and their creatively challenging classes deliver real results (and real fun). The Diva will kick. Yo. Butt. And the Diva cares. The Diva wants you to look like you just stepped out of a Calvin Klein underwear ad. Just DON’T step in the Diva’s spotlight.
This trainer is a new-age teacher, yogi, life-coach, thought leader, fitness guru, Oprah and Deepak Chopra all wrapped up into one motivational package. The Guru doesn’t speak in regular sentences, only in motivational mantra monologues or in pithy little parables. Voted most likely to use mother*ckers and Namaste in the same sentence, or post thoughtfully composed clean-eating food porn and bikini clad yoga poses on Instagram. The Wellness Guru doesn’t motivate you – the Wellness Guru is motivation personified.
You hated them in High School (unless you were one, of course), but you love them at Barry’s. The cheerleader is there to cheer you on! He/She will cheer you on to get in one more rep, dance behind your treadmill to get you to your personal record, call out your name and that you’re an animal (whether you feel like a gazelle or a turtle) and unfailingly go down the treadmill line shouting out your treadmill speed with every sprint. It’s amazing, it’s motivating and after the tenth time, it’s a little annoying. There’s no cheating or slacking off (i.e. tying shoelaces or taking a drink) on Cheerleader’s watch – unless you want it shouted out to the whole class. The Cheerleader’s endless energy might make you BE AGGRESSIVE, B-E AGGRESSIVE, but that’s what it takes to get to the end of that one-minute sprint, right?
MARQUIS DE SADE
The more pain you feel, the happier the Marquis gets. These evil exercise geniuses like to get creative with the torture and truly enjoy inflicting pain. They want you to “strap on” booty bands, “dominate” the treadmill, and “punish” your muscles. All of their motivational mantras involve suffering like “If it’s not burning, it’s not working” or “great things happen outside your comfort zone.” If you step off the treadmill for a breather, the punishment is swift and severe (and sometimes meted out to the entire class). You often find yourself asking in disbelief, “You want me to do WHAT with my WHAT?” Nothing makes the Marquis happier than hearing “I’m so sore, I can barely move my [fill in the blank].” Just don’t ever tell the Marquis that you had fun in class or it could’ve been harder, or next time, you will pay.
This trainer is a machine. All muscles and no mercy. Terminator’s factory setting is #beastmode. He/she has only one mission: to kill you dead in their class. (Throwing up is a marginally acceptable alternative). No matter what you’re lifting, they will always hand you heavier dumbbells and no matter how fast you are running, they will always jack up your speed. Terminator is an add-on feature that can be activated by any trainer at any time.
Whether it’s wowing you with their startlingly good singing voice, doing a stand up comedy routine or doing a Beyonce-worthy dance routine along to the music, the Entertrainer puts on a helluva one-hour show. He/she uses distraction as a technique to get your mind off your pain. It doesn’t work – laughing on Hardcore day brings the pain to a whole new level. The Entertrainer’s class is like a party, but always be extra cautious around the Entertrainer. You want to laugh, you want to stop and watch, you want to sing along. But the treadmill and heavy weights require your constant attention. It’s all fun and games until you drop a dumbbell on your toe. And the Entertrainer can turn at any moment – remember that default Terminator setting…